Chapter 9
It has been a minute since I wrote. But it is because I have been in the hospital. But I only have a bruised rib and a busted lip this time. So that’s a step up from the usual. Anyway, let’s continue where we left off last time, pregnant again and with a 5yr old.
Being a single mom of a 5yr old and being pregnant wasn’t the easiest task in the world. Especially when you are trying to work a full time job, pay day care and enroll him in school, pay bills, keep your shitty car running, keep food on the table, stay in hiding from your stalker, pay lawyer fees (still from that stalker), deal with family drama, also deal with new baby daddy drama, and hateful crackhead people in the neighborhood. I decided to go online and date. You know, to add to my stress and maybe try to find a guy with money. Yes, I know. Very mature and lady like. Listen, Linda, I was drowning in debt and frustrated and depressed and suffering. I obviously was not in my right state of mind. I was 25 and still not grown. I don’t think I actually grew up until a few years ago. Maybe 5 years ago. Ok getting off subject. So, I started going online and searching for desperate guys who wanted to hook up, and I basically told them I would if they paid my bills or bought my groceries. Yes, I was a prostitute you could say. I used protection and never had my son with me. I always used my friend’s house, so they didn’t know where I lived. I kept the same 3 people. They were the ones with money. They didn’t know about each other, and they all thought we were in a relationship. Then one day, I had an email from a guy saying he would pay my rent each month, but he wanted to be the only person I saw. I messaged him back asking for a picture just out of curiosity. He was decent looking. I was joking and told him we would negotiate after we watched a movie. I was genuinely attracted to him. I just wanted to have a normal date. He showed up at my townhome, picked me up for a date. He knew I was pregnant, took me out to eat, we came back to my place and watched a movie. I fell asleep on the couch (trust me when I say that is NOT a smart thing to do with a stranger). When I woke up, he was sleeping in his car in my driveway. When I asked him why he didn’t go home, he said because he didn’t have a way to lock the deadbolt on my door and felt uncomfortable leaving with my door like that. I am pretty sure my heart melted there. We went on another date a couple of days later. I ignored the other guy’s messages, and I was sincerely interested in this one. Not because he offered to pay my bills or anything. But I have not really been treated like that ever. He treated me like I was the only one that mattered when we went out to eat, and he also ignored everyone else. I felt like myself around him.
Eventually we talked about why I was online looking for guys and I was honest with him. I told him everything. He made it clear he actually had a girlfriend that he was currently on a break with because she cheated and that is why he was looking. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Maybe jealousy even though I had no right to be. He said he would pay my bills and buy the groceries for the home as long as I was the only one he was seeing. He also said he did not mind that I had kids and he would buy my sons stuff if he needed anything. I agreed and everything was fine for a while. I was 8 months pregnant and I walked outside on a night when he was in the driveway on the phone, and I overheard his conversation on his cell phone. He was talking to his supposed ex-girlfriend BUT he hadn’t broken up with her yet. So, he was still her boyfriend, and they were fighting and I walked up to him asking what the fuck was going on. He tried to walk away so she couldn’t hear me, but I grabbed his shirt. She asked who I was and before he could say anything I started yelling that I was his girlfriend that he had been “banging” for awhile now. Yes, I know I am not the nicest person, and I am not the best person to deal with drama, but I will not tolerate anything of this sort. I will tell the truth bluntly. She got upset and asked him if it was true and he said yes, then she asked him questions about me which he answered and then she said, “I can give you kids of your own, you don’t need some whore who has kids already”. What did I do? I told him “He had 1 min to figure out what he wanted. He could come inside where I was. Or he could get the fuck off of my property and drive to Illinois to that bitches side pieces house, remove that dudes dick out of her mouth and his friends dick out of her ass, and then bend over so she can ram him up his ass a few times like the little bitch he’s being now”. He tried to say he didn’t break up with her properly and I guess I was too bitchy and didn’t care because in my opinion, she cheated first and he should have had the balls to break up with her when he made the demands from me about not seeing anyone else.
After he figured out that he wanted to be with me, things went well for a while. My second child was born. A girl. She was a handful. About 8 months after she was born, I went back to work and decided that my baby daddy #2 is just as crazy as the guy who donated for number 1. He started to stalk me and beg for me back. But then I found out that he liked them a bit younger. Like barely legal. Not cool at all. So I blocked him completely.
As I am learning to juggle 2 kids, a new man, a job, court for the rapist who wants CUSTODY now because he has an obsession with me and the only way he can get to me is through my child, and court with baby daddy number 2 because I refused to continue hooking up with him so now, he wants visitation so he can apply for child support. Dude, that’s not how that works.
Eventually, new guy decided to move in due to all the stalking the 1st and 2nd guys were doing. But then I met his parents. I knew his mom and holy shit. She was a bitch from hell. She was my boss from a job I had when I was 20. She hated me because I was the only one who didn’t put up with her stuck-up mouth. I had called her every name in the book and here I was standing in front of her shaking my head no saying, “I don’t think this is going to work out. She hates me and I definitely hate her and I’m not going to fake being nice to someone who treated me like trash.” He just said OK, and we left.
A few days after that, shit hit the fan. My happy moments went to hell.
Surviving Out Loud 
Leave a comment