Surviving Out Loud

Chapter 4

                After awhile, I began to avoid everyone and everything. I didn’t want anyone talking to me or touching me.

(Flashback) When my stepdad was questioned about assaulting my so-called friend and me, he denied everything. When he was questioned about the drugs, he denied everything. He put the blame on her. Even though he picked her up from her house alone and dropped her off alone and never wanted to take me along. I know what happened, but she seemed like it was her idea after it finally all clicked in place. He already had a record previously from doing drugs while working at his previous job when I was younger. He was arrested and him and my mom broke up. She took him back. Love does weird things. In the end, they ended up paying her off with a small lump sum of money to get her to leave us alone. That’s all she wanted really. She wanted money for drugs. I have never been hooked on a drug like that so I cannot understand the addiction part, but it seems sad to be like that.  (end flashback)

                While avoiding everyone, people at school started making rumors about me being a whore. I couldn’t figure out who started it, but I was getting pissed. So now everyone was worried I was flirting with their boyfriends or trying to break up relationships and all I did during the day was homework and eat lunch. This eventually led to me getting into fights all the time. But eventually I found out that the one starting all these rumors was the one I grew up with and was closest to me. She was one of my best friends. I was completely shocked. My feelings were hurt as well. So, I stopped talking to anyone inside my small group too.

                Now I could say that she lived happily ever after, but karma bit her pretty hard. She is pretty and she can get every man she wants, but she cannot have kids unfortunately. And that is what hurts her the most. So, I say karma played it good on my behalf. She deserved it. I’m living a rough life with PTSD because of her. She is the one who introduced me to Brian, and she started the rumors due to jealousy for some reason. She was jealous that she wasn’t being stalked, I guess. Brian was still stalking me, and he swore I was going to come back with him to live with him forever and have his kids.  He followed me home every day. He sat outside the house waiting for me to come out. I hid inside like my life depended on it. I finally caught an opening and snuck out to meet a friend at the school playground. He eventually figured it out and beat me so badly I couldn’t see out of my eye. I went to the police right after and he was transferred to another city. You read it correctly, not fired, just transferred. A couple of years passed, and I eventually started to feel better and more comfortable being outside and talking to a select few people. One of the few people I grew up with came back to town and invited me to a small party. I was now 18 years old and working a full-time and part time job. I was being responsible and not partying like I did in school. I couldn’t pass up this party though. I missed Glenn and wanted to see him again. He was one of my favorite people. So, when I showed up at the party, He had a lot of people there. One person stood out. He seemed like he had been drinking but shy. His collar popped up like Elvis. He had dip in his mouth and talked with a bit of an accent. I ended up sitting on his lab while playing a card game. I am pretty sure I fell in love at first sight. He had a stick shift dodge Dakota, black, and when he let me ride in it, I would sit in the middle so he could rest his hand on my leg. We ended up dating for a long time and decided to buy a house together. I was the happiest person alive! I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he was not happy. He said it was too soon. He made me get an abortion. He said we would try again later when the timing was right. He was a momma’s boy, and she did not approve of me at all. She was putting bad things in his head to get us to fight. We ended up fighting over the abortion of the baby, and he beat me up pretty good. That was the first time Hank ever put hands on me. He beat me so bad I couldn’t see straight. He threw me down the stairs. He then left for work. I just lay there. Couldn’t move or see straight. I knew at this point, a decision had to be made.

This was the beginning of a downfall .  And it only gets better… (total sarcasm).